Running through the Patriarchy wall, and leaving a hole in the form of my old shape.

Growing up as a child in the patriarchy

Dor Sharabi
9 min readAug 16, 2021

As men in the Patriarchy, we are trained to blindly chase after things that are far away from our true inner spirit. We are like warhorses, storming down a hill, eyes covered, and we are about to meet the sword.

How do you train a horse? You break its spirit. (Today they, fortunately, developed other methods)

How do you train a warhorse? You break its spirit and make him numb to the smell, noise, and sense of death.

This is an article for those of us that haven’t gotten fully broken yet, or have this wild part that is looking for life beyond.

I start with sadness. I watched my friends doing something “wrong”, something “bad”, something that my delicate child spirit couldn’t really ignore, but another part of me decided to ignore it anyway.

• We kicked frogs to death like they were little tennis balls.

• Some of us chased down (almost man hunted) the unpopular kid that just moved into the village (I was with him running away)

• The leader of the kids removed me from a game because according to her I was “whining” when I said I wasn’t hit by the ball. The other kids silently followed her lead and disregarded me for the rest of the game.

• I took by force games and equipment I wanted from the weaker kids and also my younger sisters.

• And older kid beat me up for amusement, or because I didn’t get out of his way.

Even with the resistance, I had for some of it, part of me decided to look the other way, and be part of the group, otherwise: who would I play with? Who would accept me? Who would love me? For a small child, the group of friends is the whole world.

And one by one we dragged each other into doing these violent things and we kept silent agreements of how to behave in the group.

After a while, girls became a “thing” and we would compete for them. Who loves who? Who would get the other girls to like him? Creating bonds of friendship around social agreements, strategies, and rumors — low drama.

High school with a gang prison mentality

Later in high school, the gloves were off, everyone knew you by then and your social worth. They would act accordingly. If you wanted to make a move to go up the hierarchal latter, it had to be big:

-Pick a fight with the meanest kid in class

-Go out with one of the “pretty girls”

-Get kicked out of school for shooting firecrackers

-Break some hearts, cause some chaos, have everyone talking about you and act like you just don’t care.

As a side note, these days, I am working with kids in schools and I can see their pain of being there, the pain I can recognize within myself. They didn’t really choose to be there, they somehow got there, probably there was a part of them that had other plans than to get into this survival mode environment. In fact, children have no real choice. When they are born into the modern culture they either have to join the patriarchy or die.

Soldier Up

After Highschool they gave me a gun and taught me how to kill.

In the Army, the first thing they did was to break my will. (Just like they do with horses.)

The first week of Bootcamp they make you do things that don’t make any sense and punish you if you try to make sense of it. When you get abused physically and mentally for no reason, the only way to survive is to embrace the insanity that is in front of you, this is just life

That leaves scares — physically and emotionally. The price is the contamination of inner beliefs like: “I am a killing machine, tougher than nails. I am in control, wiring myself harder to survive. I make it through.”.

Since growing up I was convinced by society that this kind of servitude to the system, to the lords of war, and my rulers, this was the highest honor to have. This badge of honor came with the qualities of being numb to pain, “a tough bastard” that doesn’t wear his emotions on his sleeve.

After the army, my point of origin shifted from that of a kid to that of a soldier.

My life was mainly about numbing and chasing.

Numbing myself with vacations and trips around the world with my friends, drugs, alcohol, parties.

Chasing more girls, more titles, more money.

University elite social life break down

It was in university (After the army, after long travels around the world ) when it all collapsed for me.

Just before that, I was pretty successful at being a numb “cool” dude, I had everything I ever imagined:

-I had the approval, support, and admiration, of the people I surrounded myself with, getting constant validation of doing anything that would keep that image.

-I had my own flat, which turned into a fraternity meet-up place, which was about dominating the campus social life while having the most gremlinish fun in the process. Actually, the studies were a heavy burden on most of us, because it had nothing to do with what we dreamed to do with our lives.

-I was organizing parties and knowing “whos who” climbing up the social letter

-I got financial support from family and village, which I was entitled to as long as I was walking the “straight path” of the patriarchy = Acadamy, career, marriage.

-An average Promising career was waiting for me in the corporate world, especially after taking a few renegade sales Jobs. I had sharpened my tongue, learned to speak smoothly, and lie with a full mouth.

Fortunately enough I was depressed

Or to be more accurate, through the haze of the heavy marijuana smoke (among other drugs), parties, friends gatherings, and so forth… I somehow managed to realize I was actually depressed.

Whatever “the movie that I was living in was” (An old Israeli expression), the reality I created for myself wasn’t really working for my inner-being, I couldn’t keep numbing myself anymore, it felt like my soul is screaming through the pain.

How did it feel like :

The volcano which was my anger and sadness mixed together into this gray disgusting lava was bubbling underneath the surface.

I almost passed out in the middle of the street, having my girlfriend carrying me back home. I remember mumbling: “I don’t feel too good, I think the world is very bad”.

At that moment I remembered experiencing the world as a post-apocalyptic desert with no air to breathe, everything was out of essence, out of balance, and I was out of place.

Even the anti-depression pills I took weren’t helping anymore and the nice psychologist admitted honestly this lack of knowledge about how to help me cure. (Modern therapy just don’t have the technology to navigate space for an “Unmixing Emotions process” as they do in Possibility management, something that worked for me a few years later, easily dispelling depression)

Numbed, drugged, and overwhelmed with depression I clearly knew at that moment that this is not where I need to be, this is not what my life is about. I stood on the edge of my own underworld.

I am Jumping ahead here :

But, it’s important for me to report that from this point on when I started to climb up from the “Hole” I was in, nobody really tried to stop me, nobody had a resistance that I would start reading Self-help books, take care of what I eat, change to a vegetarian then vegan diet, start doing meditation and Yoga, in fact, all these Initiaray tools were hiding underneath my nose. I was the problem and also the solution.

We now live at a time of digital accessibility of knowledge, back in the days of human history that was not the case. Many great men and women took their lives because they weren’t able to share their research as openly as now possible or to connect with like-minded people to create a circle of empowerment.

Far more than that! When I tried to escape this “warhorse” scenario, nobody really tried to stop me. not one.

Nobody cared. It’s like I was a cartoon and I got scared so I turned around and ran through the wall behind me, leaving this big old-me-shaped hole in the wall. Nobody followed through that hole to chase me down and return me to the old patriarchal order. What a great revelation!

No policeman, politician, nor censorship on my case, just silence. so I am writing this for you to know and embrace: Nobody can stop you from changing your life and escaping the patriarchal path.

They are so caught up in the game that they don’t even know they are playing it. I didn’t realize I was playing it.

The patriarchy is built to crush resistance in protests, manage wars, and arrest civil unrest. It is not built to understand building the next thing after it. Patriarchy only cares about protecting itself, not about evolution. It can’t perceive “Next-culture” in the same way someone tongue-eating solely McDonalds all their life, can’t appreciate the profound taste of a simple vivid cucumber and lemon salad.

The process out of the patriarchy continues :

For me, it was and is a slow process.

It took me 7 years to transition from having my origin point, the point where what I defined mentally and energetically as me- from a “soldier” shifted to that of a “Self-carer”.

Later in 2018, I discovered “Possibility management”

Which for me was “The” gameworld I was looking for.

From what I picked up so far in terms of Self-development paradigms, experiences, and *Guru yoga technology, I learned that Possibility management was and had far more advanced “thought ware”.

The term “thought ware” refers to the way we think about what we think, which is sort of software, it’s not about the information itself, it’s the way I process it. What tools and distinctions I use to perceive life, and more importantly Possibility Management works with emotions and feelings.

Maybe it is not a coincidence that I have not known about the therm of patriarchy in its full magnitude.

I use Patriarchy differently than most people. Most people think that Patriarchy is the rule of men. For me, it’s “the rule of parental cells in a structure, ruling me from inside by being programmed into it, and from around me being blinded to anything else possible.”

Patriarchy comes from the word “Padre” in Latin, which means father. The patriarchy started when humanity moved out of feasting on Mama’s earth place, she provided everything people needed, called matriarchy. Women were seen as Mothers like mother earth and therefore worshiped. Women loved the men like they loved their children, so-called “son men”. In time the men discovered that they had qualities of their own and developed a desire to rule and be seen with their own masculine qualities, so they discovered power and force. Somewhere in the process, this got out of hand

Hence all the wars and horrible history, genesis, and more.

If you want to read about a perfect example of simple men starting with agriculture and moving to become a war-driven Patriarchal society, research the becoming of the kingdom of Sparta.

Going back to Possibility management

gave me the possibility to look at it all from an eagle eye viewpoint. I could see the map of patriarchy, and where was my X in it.

I could take my origin point from having some kind of a “Role” in the Patriarchy and put it into a new identity. The new identity includes: I don’t give my authority anymore to other people with Roles, like bosses, teachers, the academy, parents, etc. I am my own authority. I am centered within.

The work for me now, is to keep finding the “edge”, keep seeing what is possible from where I am standing. Is it possible that some of the Patriarchy is still in me? Yes, there are different layers of that ingrained in the fabric of my psychological and emotional structure.

So there is a lot of work. A lot of healing to do. A long path to walk. And it’s great to walk it with other people. We, men and women, need each other, to inspire each other and hold us accountable for the new path we have chosen.

We need each other in this journey to heal from being these warhorses and becoming wild and free horses, like the Mustangs.

My authentic wild nature has led me to leave the patriarchy and discover what else is out there. That is the conscious evolution of my world.

How about yours?



Dor Sharabi

Possibility Manager. Writer. Musician. Artist of the soul. Next Culture Nomad. Pirate . RAGER.